The Rebecca Syndrome: Jealousy About Your Ex

Rebecca syndrome refers to those situations where a person experiences jealousy towards their other half’s exes. According to a number of psychologists, these kinds of feelings are more common these days.

It can have many causes, ranging from low self-esteem to a compelling need to compare yourself to others. In some cases, it can even be caused by a partner. Let’s take a closer look.

Where does the name Rebecca syndrome come from?

This syndrome bears the name of Alfred Hitchcock’s film ‘Rebecca’, it was released in 1940 and it is based on the novel Rebecca by the writer Daphne du Maurier.

This cult film tells the story of a young lady-in-waiting who has an affair with a widowed millionaire and eventually marries him. Unfortunately for the new bride, the housekeeper and the rest of the servants of the house (an imposing mansion called Manderley) are hostile to her from the start.

The young woman is constantly compared to the ex-wife. She is sanctified, glorified and admired by all and little by little the protagonist begins to lose her sense of self as she begins to compare herself with the near-perfect image of the deceased woman.

As a result, she begins to develop jealousy for no reason, especially when she discovers that her husband’s relationship with his former wife was anything but happy and peaceful.

What is Rebecca Syndrome?

Jealousy is a behavior that can lead to the breakdown of a relationship. The author Peter Van Sommers gives his own opinion about this kind of jealousy. He classifies it as “retrospective” in his work entitled Jealousy: What Is It and Who Feels It. That is, provoked by previous relationships of the current significant other.

Someone can therefore even be jealous of a deceased ex of his current partner. The Bulgarian writer Elias Canetti also previously uttered an aphorism that fits well with this description:

It is common for someone with this syndrome to imagine happy situations that their partner has experienced with their former lover. It is also common for people with this syndrome to assume that they are or were, among other things , more intelligent, more beautiful or more attractive. That is, they think these people were almost perfect.

This leads jealous people to behave complacently with the other person, although the opposite can also happen and they can feel superior. The truth is that this situation seriously affects living together as a couple, causing conflict and can even destroy a relationship.

Causes of Rebecca Syndrome

As this study by researchers Scheinkman and Werneck points out: “ Jealousy is a complex relational experience. It’s a visceral fear of loss. ” This way of feeling includes thoughts and feelings and actions provoke reactions that sometimes seem incomprehensible. The situations that increase the likelihood of this condition include:

• First, the low self-esteem of the person suffering from the syndrome.
• The partner or environment constantly reminds of the ex.
• The partner makes direct comparisons between the two.
• The person with the syndrome realizes that they resemble their current significant other’s previous partner, either physically or in personality
• Finally, the partner has not overcome the stage of grief and feelings and memories surface when they have recently become a widow or widower.

Is there a treatment for it?

Improving the situation where irrational fears reign requires, according to Dr. Cuesta often some kind of intervention. In a number of cases it may also be necessary for the partner of people with this syndrome to receive psychological support. Some suggestions that may help include:

• First, improve communication with the current partner.
• Second, the current partner should express their dissatisfaction and remember why they are together.
• Also avoid exaggerated mention of the former partner’s qualities or verbalizing details.
• In addition, check out the beliefs that the jealous person has.
• Also improve the self-esteem of the person with this syndrome.
• Finally, adjust the controlling attitude.

It is possible to leave the symptoms of jealousy behind and with the support of a psychologist to really live in the here and now and enjoy the relationship and your partner.