Raising With Love, Not With Punishment

Many people think that raising children in a strict way is a guarantee of success. That is not true. If you teach a child to obey by shouting and imposing strict rules, the child becomes anxious and insecure.

In our language we speak of ‘the obedient and docile child’. Isn’t it strange that for many families those words describe exactly what they hope and expect from their children? Behind that docile child, however, often hides an unhappy child with low self-esteem.

Such children have built so many walls around them that they can only see life as a prison. In addition, they are not mentally strong enough to take initiative. They always expect others to say what they can and cannot do.

This is because fear and a stern approach trim the wings of growth. Children also develop low self-esteem. A happy child explores, plays, laughs and communicates.

When you decide as a parent how you want to raise your children, choose a way that allows your children to grow up in integrity. This way of parenting will enable them to live respectfully, to be happy and to make others happy.

We’ll give you some simple guidelines.

Educating and setting boundaries

Everyone wants an obedient child. Parents want a child who strives to please them and who lives up to their standards.

Being  obedient may be desirable, but remember that obedient behavior must be in harmony with others.

Obeying the rules must go hand in hand with understanding the rules.

• A child must understand what is expected of him at any time. He or she must understand why you enforce rules.
• I do what my mommy says, because she wants the best for me. I clean up my toys every night because I have to keep my room tidy. Out of respect I am quiet when others talk and I listen.

Children should not follow rules for fear or fear of punishment. In the case of parenting, behavioral psychology does not always work.

If you yell at your child or scold your child every time he or she makes a mistake or behaves inappropriately, he or she will get used to it. The child will develop fear and anger for you, for his or her parents.

Now we explain this in more detail.

Education in fear makes you unhappy

Early childhood is the period between the ages of one month and seven years. Everything that happens during that period will be decisive for future development.

• Every parent wants his or her child to obey when the child is asked to do something.

• This helps the child integrate into the family dynamics. In addition, this provides security.

However, children always want to prove themselves to themselves and also to the parents by crossing the boundaries.

• If they are confronted with severe punishment, yelling or reproach every time they cross the line, then a child can react in two ways.
• Either the child is going to feed his or her anger. The child challenges you even more. Either the child will lock itself in.
• A child should not spend his or her early childhood in daily anxiety.
• Fear destroys the self-image. It causes unnecessary stress in the young developing brain.

• Punishment-based education causes a child to focus solely on external recognition. You produce an indecisive individual who lacks any self-confidence.

Anyone who discovers the world through the lens of fear of family grows up unhappy.

“When the people who love me most scare me, I have to defend myself in this world.”

Raising with love and respect

• Parenting with respect means explaining to your child what is expected of him or her at all times. At the same time, it means encouraging him or her to be themselves and to discover the world in freedom, safe by your side.

• Raising with love means that there is no need to scream. Instead, make your arguments in a relaxed and clear voice.
• If you want to teach your children to obey with love, you must listen yourself. Pay attention to their thoughts. Base your proposals and arguments on what they tell you. Support them too.
• Don’t try to have perfect children. Your goal should be to raise happy children who know the rules in the family and in society.
• When raising your child you have to give your child a voice. If you emphasize punishment and blame and only point out to them what they are doing wrong, you will raise someone who is unable to sustain themselves.

• Instead of being very strict when they don’t behave, you can explain what they did wrong and how they can do it better.

Focus on your child’s natural talents. That way, your child will have enough confidence when the time comes to strive for what makes him or her happy.

Learn to “connect” with your child, rather than punish. If you understand his or her needs, you can better help him or her grow day by day.