Five Ways To Determine If Your Partner Is Showing Enough Compassion

If one partner doesn’t show enough compassion, there can be no emotional connection, recognition, and authentic reciprocity in a relationship.

Most of us use all kinds of psychological terms on a daily basis. That is why it is strange if someone does not know what compassion is. Or if he has never heard of this term, which plays a basic role in relationships. But what if we told you he’s not alone. After all, there are a lot of people who have a distorted or even wrong understanding of this concept?

What is compassion?

For starters, empathizing doesn’t just mean putting yourself in their shoes. Compassion is much more complex and intimate than that. It requires actions and behaviors, not just feeling or picking up on the emotion. 

After all, in a relationship, simply knowing your partner is in pain isn’t enough. Empathizing with someone also includes knowing how to respond in an effective and helpful way. And this response must, of course, be in accordance with a particular need.

Pay attention to this

That’s why today we’re sharing five ways you can see how much compassion there is in your relationship and whether this level of compassion is genuinely helpful in strengthening the bond and trust between the two of you and responding to each other’s needs.

1. There are three kinds of compassion: do you apply all three?

Let’s move from general terms to concrete concepts. To understand the term compassion in a holistic way, we must first determine what it mainly consists of and what characterizes it.

Therefore, it is helpful to gain a better understanding of the three types of compassion that you should practice daily in relation to your partner.

• Emotional Compassion: “I feel what you feel.” This means being able to feel another person’s pain, seeing when the other person is happy, reading their worries, putting yourself in their shoes and knowing what’s bothering them.
• Cognitive Compassion : ‘I understand what you are going through’. This is not only about feeling what the other person is feeling, but it is also important that you sincerely show that you understand the other person, that you understand the reason behind their state of mind and why this has had such an effect.

• Compassionate Compassion : “I know you’re hurting. I know why you are in pain and I want to help you; I want you to feel good’. In this case, there is a genuine desire that the other person is well, that he is happy, calm and content.

2. I feel what you feel, but I don’t judge you

Let’s take a look at an example to better understand this:

• Elena comes home very late from work. She has had a very bad day and is completely exhausted. She’s almost about to cry. When Carlos, her partner, sees the expression on her face, he knows immediately that something is not right.

• He feels her fear, her depression. However, he chooses to judge her: ‘The problem is that you take everything way too seriously… Everyone is taking advantage of you. You just don’t know how to be assertive.’

In this case, one of the partners is able to apply emotional empathy, but not to develop a helpful, effective, and compassionate form of compassion with which to help the other.

3. I put myself in you, but I remain myself

As we mentioned at the beginning of this article, it is not enough to simply put yourself in someone else’s shoes. We must open ourselves to a process of projection and sensitivity, but at the same time remain ourselves and maintain our own personal perspective.

Sincere compassion, the kind of compassion that is helpful, is able to enter into the heart of another while keeping one’s own heart safe.

4. Compassion also means understanding each other’s mistakes

A happy, stable couple who is able to grow in a joint project is also able to understand the other person’s mistakes and show compassion.

• I understand that you failed in the project you envisioned. I know how hard you tried and I understand how you feel. You shouldn’t have trusted those people, and maybe I would have made the same mistake myself.

This kind of compassion, being able to understand that people are not perfect and that relationships will not always be easy, is the most useful kind of compassion and the most helpful when it comes to investing in the life project of two people.

5. I am receptive to all your emotions

Some people don’t dare to cry next to their partner. They don’t show tears to keep their partner from worrying about them. Also, they don’t tell certain things because of fear of their reaction or their opinion.

We need to make one thing clear: as long as there is fear in a relationship, the bond is not authentic, not satisfying, nor is it healthy. Partners should be completely confident that they can show each other how they feel at all times.

For better and for worse

A couple forms a unity, two life companions who together can handle everything: both the good and the bad moments. So someone who shows sufficient compassion is someone next to whom we can be ourselves at all times, without being afraid to show a particular thought or emotion.

Therefore, think about whether there might be an aspect of your relationship that could be improved to make your relationship stronger.

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